My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
