I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
