you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize