and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
