She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
the day after is always just damage control
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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