porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
