For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
