She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
