I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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