And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize