Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
