i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
