Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
