my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
