Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
