***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
