It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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