it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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