standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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