Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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