you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
