You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
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