I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
