we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So vagazzling was a success
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
