I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
