saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
