I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
