Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
