Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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