if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
