I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
