one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
