At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
