So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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