I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
