Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
