We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
