Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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