I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
