He uses pillows to masturbate.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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