Old men and throwing up are my life now.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
