I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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