She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
