You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
