remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
