I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
