nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
