You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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