wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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