Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
