you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Pooping to opera.
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