Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
