She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize