Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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