WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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