i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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