cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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