Can i not drive my cunt home
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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