Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
my shit smells like andre
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
