A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
