This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
