can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
