'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
