dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
