awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
